Too Bad, So Sad

Dear Pluto:

So we scientists got together 'n totally figured out you ain't no kinda planet.  So we're writin' you this letter kickin' you outta the Planet Club cause you're cool 'n all but you just ain't cut it.

Yeah, you're in orbit round the sun but so's about 29873986025 things.  Yeah, you're a ball but that ain't really count for too much.  We used to think you was real cool hangin' by yourself out there but then we come to find out that really you're just parta another big ole asteroid belt thing.  'N you ain't even the biggest thing in that belt.  Not to mention you still lettin' all them other planet wannabe's jock your swag, you know what we're sayin'?

So...it ain't that we ain't like you or nothin', but you just ain't bad enuf to hang with the big boys.  You get out there, beat up some'a them other little guys like Charon or Varuna...heck, Mercury coulda totally taken them out eons ago.  Get some beef on ya then you can come back 'n apply again.  But you better hurry cause Eris is bigger'n you 'n I bet she's lookin' for a fight.  An you totally ain't wanna hafta say your butt got kicked by a girl, right?

Til then, sorry dude.  Better luck next time.
Science people

Alien on Jupiter

My alien lives on Jupiter.  He's flat like a waffle cause there's too much gravity.  Even his eyes is flat 'n they're real big 'n they glow so he can see through all the clouds.  He's got like a zillyun flipper things so he can sorta paddle through all the gas 'n liquid cause he can sorta half fly 'n half swim.  His mouth's on the bottom  so he can suck in all the liquid 'n he eats somethin' in that cep I ain't know what.  But he's gotta be careful not to get near the big red storm cause he'll get like sucked in 'n shot out like a cannonball 'n then he'd get all tore up 'n prolly suffocate or drown or get his legs ripped off or somethin'.  So he gotta paddle round it 'n ain't better get too close.

Alien on the Sun 2

Okay fine so that's my new alien 'n he's surfin' the solar flares 'n havin' hisself a keen ole' time.  He only got patches for eyes 'cause he can't have no real eyes cause they'd get torched so he got patches for eyes 'n they see like shadows 'n stuff.  So he's kinna smokey so the flames can like, go through him an he got sorta spread out skin to get rid of extra heat.  Plus he can't have no mouth cause he'd get torched when he opened it so he breathes through his skin.  'N that's all I know bout the sun so I guess the rest of 'im's magic.

Alien on the Sun