So we scientists got together 'n totally figured out you ain't no kinda planet. So we're writin' you this letter kickin' you outta the Planet Club cause you're cool 'n all but you just ain't cut it.
Yeah, you're in orbit round the sun but so's about 29873986025 things. Yeah, you're a ball but that ain't really count for too much. We used to think you was real cool hangin' by yourself out there but then we come to find out that really you're just parta another big ole asteroid belt thing. 'N you ain't even the biggest thing in that belt. Not to mention you still lettin' all them other planet wannabe's jock your swag, you know what we're sayin'?
So...it ain't that we ain't like you or nothin', but you just ain't bad enuf to hang with the big boys. You get out there, beat up some'a them other little guys like Charon or Varuna...heck, Mercury coulda totally taken them out eons ago. Get some beef on ya then you can come back 'n apply again. But you better hurry cause Eris is bigger'n you 'n I bet she's lookin' for a fight. An you totally ain't wanna hafta say your butt got kicked by a girl, right?
Til then, sorry dude. Better luck next time.